Monthly Archives: November 2013

The shape of your particle

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So back to what I dressed up for TOK – disappointment, rejection, failure. With college apps, programs, and scholarships all over the place, rejection is something you have to get used to. And trust me, this wasn’t (isn’t) easy, especially when it makes you feel like nothing you’ve done matters. 

But the thing is, there’s only so much you can do. God takes care of the rest. If you don’t do as well as you hoped, or don’t get into the program you wanted to get in, maybe God doesn’t want you there. God has another plan for you. 

Truth is, failure is inevitable. We can’t let failure knock us down because we have an entire future ahead of us. And we need this positive attitude to keep us going. We need this positive attitude to realize the value God has instilled within us. We need this attitude to know that our life isn’t a waste. That extra five minutes you take to finish your math assignment is an extra five minutes that you used in your life to help you understand that concept better for yourself. That extra five minutes might help you prepare for something you do in the future. 

Truth is: everything you do and everything you go through shapes who you are. I remember earlier I quoted a verse: “For we are God’s handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV). 

And it’s true. You may not use what you learn in the near future…but God very well knows why you’re learning it. God knows very well why not everything runs smoothly. God is only preparing you. 

This is something my dad had to remind me of the other day. And coming from him, was a blessing and something I definitely needed to hear. 

Losing the Closest

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On Halloween, our TOK (Theory of Knowledge) class assignment was to dress up as your biggest fear. I dressed up as a dunce, to symbolize disappointment, rejection, and failure. While this has hit me hard the last week (another to be blog post), I noticed something else. Another student dressed up in black, symbolizing loneliness, the fear of being alone. This caught many of us off guard because it was an individual who seemed too comfortable in his own skin. How could he…fear being alone?

It was strange though. Many of us could relate. I particularly don’t fear being alone. But I do fear losing someone close to me. I do fear the idea of losing someone you’ve opened up so much to. I fear the idea of ruining relationships that matter most to me. It’s extremely similar to the idea of being alone because…you almost lose apart of yourself. Not because you’ve given yourself away, but because you’ve reached a point of comfort where they’re a part of your daily life. It’s weird to not think of them in your daily life.

But that is exactly what I’m against. I hate to live life through the motions. I hate to live life because of habit or because I have to. I guess right now as I’m going through a transitional phase, I’m just scared of losing people I care for. I’m scared of what God’s plan is because I can’t see what it is from the big scope. Or I wish I could control more than I do now. 

Do it for yourself

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I truly appreciate people who things because they want to. I hate when people do things because they are trying please/impress others, or because someone is telling them that is what they should do, or even for a college application. I see this in today’s era where people party just to show others that they “know how to have a good time.” Or people let others control what they do in their relationships. Or even, “I’m going to do this community service because it looks good for my resume”.

You know yourself better than anyone who is trying to dictate your life. I’m not saying completely ignore these people, their perspective or advice can be helpful…but it’s advice. You use it to HELP you make the decision rather than make the decision for you.

When you go to school every day, you should want to learn. You shouldn’t be doing it for the grade. When you go to work, you should want to do it help your company, not want the money. When you do community service, you should do it because you want to. You want to help those people. When you make decisions, you should do it because YOU want to. YOU feel that it’s the right decision. You aren’t here on this earth to please anyone else, other than God. (And those slight exceptions like parents…but those are more responsibilities. In the same way, you should want to be responsible for them.)

And the only way you will know its the right decision is tied into your relationship with God. That’s why you have to pray. That’s a different topic though. I know I’m not perfect, but it’s what I’m trying to follow. I need to be able to form my own opinions, my own decisions. I am an independent woman who has God making these decisions with me.

And just to clarify, if you’re one of those individuals who worry about being good enough for college, I understand. But if you end up doing things for college that don’t fit you (aka you don’t like to do it), you’re going to end up at a college that doesn’t fit you. If you do things for yourself, you will actually end up at a college that fits you. And that’s what you ultimately want.

So next time you do anything, ask yourself why you’re doing it. Not only does it give you motivation to actually do it, you’ll find greater purpose in yourself.