Losing the Closest

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On Halloween, our TOK (Theory of Knowledge) class assignment was to dress up as your biggest fear. I dressed up as a dunce, to symbolize disappointment, rejection, and failure. While this has hit me hard the last week (another to be blog post), I noticed something else. Another student dressed up in black, symbolizing loneliness, the fear of being alone. This caught many of us off guard because it was an individual who seemed too comfortable in his own skin. How could he…fear being alone?

It was strange though. Many of us could relate. I particularly don’t fear being alone. But I do fear losing someone close to me. I do fear the idea of losing someone you’ve opened up so much to. I fear the idea of ruining relationships that matter most to me. It’s extremely similar to the idea of being alone because…you almost lose apart of yourself. Not because you’ve given yourself away, but because you’ve reached a point of comfort where they’re a part of your daily life. It’s weird to not think of them in your daily life.

But that is exactly what I’m against. I hate to live life through the motions. I hate to live life because of habit or because I have to. I guess right now as I’m going through a transitional phase, I’m just scared of losing people I care for. I’m scared of what God’s plan is because I can’t see what it is from the big scope. Or I wish I could control more than I do now. 

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