Lately I’ve been struggling with making the right decision, or rather knowing what the right decision is. I’ve recently realized how sinful and terrible the world is. How selfish the world is. How manipulative people can be for their own benefits, and really not care about others. And it’s scary. I went from being the person who that humans were born inherently good to thinking that humans are born disgusting, sinful creatures. And it’s true. We are only able to give the love we have because God loved us first. Which is amazing considering how wretched we are.
I’m so used to simply believing that anyone, acquaintance or friend, has the best intentions for you. And now I’m realizing that I myself need to know what’s good. What the right choice really is. I never know. And I’ve been struggling so much. It’s like God is letting me floating amidst all these webs. No matter what choice I make, there’s always a consequence. And now I really don’t know if anything is right.
I was lucky enough to stop by my piano teacher’s house to catch up. SHE is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She has survived through everything – cancer, miscarriage, stillborn, even the suicide of her husband years ago. Yet, she is THE happiest woman I know…and she’s 75 years old. BUT my favorite part of her story is how her husband is STILL her soulmate, and how she knows that when she goes to heaven she’s going to be reunited with him. She knows that Jim was her one and only, and she wants no one else. This is true love. This is what I want. It’s truly a blessing to have had her in my life.
She was telling me how Jim and her had a thing for pennies. He would leave pennies on the counter top for her. The saying goes, “every time you find a penny, an angel dropped by.” (Something like that, did I butcher it? lol) Anyways, just recently she asked God to show her Jim was okay, and she went into the bathroom…and found a penny there. *wipes a tear from eye*
I’m in love with a 75 woman and her husband.
Anyways, after that…J and I were talking about the supernatural, and that ish scare me. If it’s one thing that scares me it’s THIS BECAUSE YOU CAN’T CONTROL IT!! I couldn’t go to sleep because of it. Then, the next day I came into my room, and I found a penny in my room
So Bridgit and I were talking, and she was explaining how Western civilization views everything so linearly (everything has a beginning and an ending point) when everything natural in our world is a cycle. We have the carbon cycle, the water cycle, the food chain (aka cycle come on darn scientists). Everything is recycled, and therefore we always have a never ending source.
The cool part is…religion is ALSO a cycle. Jesus says he is the alpha and the omega, he is the beginning and the end. Cool thing is, when the beginning and the end are the same…it’s a circle. (omg yay math) Humans fears death because it appears to be the end of living. But when you realize that life hasn’t really ended, and it’s just another depth of living, death isn’t scary anymore. Baaam. God does it again.